


The Quantum Vampire

by OtherCat



Series: OtherCat's Snippets and Incomplete Fic [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Conventions, Multi, Silly, So many Timelines, Time Travel, so many
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-02
Updated: 2002-11-02
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10243286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: An experiment gone awry leads to the first Cross-time Scoobie Convention, in which the author references certain other S/X fanfics.There is another fic out there with a similar name but that fic has nothing to do with this fic.





	

**Angel**

_5:32p.m. Pre-Con sign in_

It was all Fred's fault.

Dozens of Spikes and Xanders milled about the Hyperion's lobby. There were Vamp Xanders and Demon Xanders, Meek Xanders, Slave Xanders, Old Xanders and Butch Xanders. There were Nasty Spikes, and Cute Spikes and Brave Spikes, UnChipped Spikes, and in one corner, a Bondage Spike and Angel, wearing  collars, their chains in the hand of an Old Xander with cold, iron eyes. They milled about the room, mixing or not with multiple Angels, Wesleys, Buffies, Willows and Cordelias. Also present were at least three Doyles , Numerous Gunns, a handful of Anyas, a few Lindseys, and the occasional Riley or Grahm. They filled the room in tight little knots, breaking into hostile little arguments around the edges of each of the groups.

Which was an improvement over an hour ago. When the strobe lights had stopped flashing, there had been a moment of intense silence as Scoobies from alternate universes and various fictons caught sight of themselves. Then they had caught sight of their alternate-enemies, and immediately attacked them. Angels clobbered Buffies, Willows decked Spikes and two Xander-Vamps were staked before the room could be brought to order by a mixed bag of Scoobies from _his_ world, and seven others. 

  * A looney, yet effective Spike/Xander pair, in Victorian era clothes that might have given Angel "the wiggins" if not for the fact that the Xander of the pair was wearing a digital watch, and the Spike was wearing a pair of Mickey Mouse ears.
  * A young Xander in a black leather duster fighting beside an Angel, armed with a pair of cross/stakes, and accompanied by a Spike the Xander referred to as "JD."
  * And a self-assured, confident Xander with an excellent grasp of tactics and a commanding presence, accompanied by a feral, protective Spike.



Once the various combatants had been forcibly seperated, and the wounded attended too--and Angel's head stopped spinning--"General" Xander suggested that they first find out where and when everyone was from, then research a way to return everyone to their proper timeline. Wesley had agreed, and now he, Xander, Willow, and Spike were working their way through the crowd of their alternates, conducting interviews. 

"I'm so _sorry,_ " Fred said anxiously, looking up at Angel with eyes that were huge, dark and worried. Her dark, matted-curly hair was frizzy and singed, and she was smudged with the soot of the spell that had misfired. 

"It's not your fault, these things happen when you're trying a spell for the first time." Angel said in an attempt to be comforting. Fred didn't look convinced. Possibly something to do with the fact that the comforting words were spoken from between clenched teeth.

Fred, in an effort to make some sense of a world that had real, actual magic in it, had been trying to discover what universal laws of physics governed it. She had researched, and studied and carefully performed small experiments in magic, writing everything down in a blue, spiral bound note book. If she had just left it at that...

The spell she had ended up attempting had been a transcription of a transcription of a mistranslated spell from Geburic into Latin. Powers That Be knew what the heck the original spell had been intended for, but what the _result_ of the spell was that it opened multiple interdimensional gates between alternate timelines--not _quite_ what the transcription claimed it did, which was merely open a sort of "viewing window" into other dimensions.

Wesley, _his_ Wesley, flanked by this alterna's Scoobies separated from the crowd. "Did the meet and greet thing, Deadboy," Xander said, and Willow, looking very excited, bounced as she handed him a sheaf of papers from the survey. "We're going to need food, and clothes and other important things..." It wasn't quite a question.

"I'll cover it," Angel said immediately, and entirely without forethought.

"This is so great; it's just like a convention!" She enthused. Angel privately thought that she was just happy that someone _else's_ spell had backfired for a change.

"Except no one will be doing dishes in the bathtub," Xander said with a grin. 

Angel gave _his_ Spike a confused, questioning look. "What mate, you never been to a science fiction convention? Don't know what you've been missing." The younger vampire smirked.

"HyperiCon 1!" Fred said suddenly. Angel blinked.

"And since this is our universe, that makes us the Con-Committee," Xander said.

Cordelia, who'd been dragged (kicking and screaming) to several cons by Xander and Willow, rolled her eyes. "Yay us," she said, and headed over to the desk and pulled out a register. "Okay everybody, line up, sign up, and I'll pass out room keys." For a moment, the alterna-Scoobies just stood there, blinking in bemusement, then shuffled into lines at Cordelia's glare.

"She's bossy _everywhen_." stage whispered a Xander. Snickers were heard. Cordelia glared. Snickers died.

"We're going to need food, movies, a projector..." Xander was saying, Willow was nodding and making what looked like a list. 

"We need to clean the kitchen, dining room and storage areas..."Anya said.

"Wait, what do you mean movies and a projector? Food, food is fine, and clothes but--"

"Peaches, do you _really_ want some of these people wandering around _your_ city? Looking for something to do?"

Angel handed over his credit card.

Anya, Tara and Dawn went to clean the kitchens and the dining room. Wesley, Giles, and Fred retreated to the rooms on the second floor that had been designated a "library" when Angel had first moved into the hotel. Gunn, Buffy, Xander and Willow went shopping. This left Angel with _his_ Spike and the seven alterna-Scoobies who had helped in the earlier battle.

The seven alterna-Scoobies were spread out in nonchalant gaurd posistions, watching over their more black-hatted selves, who sneered and snarled, but otherwise behaved themselves. So, for the most part, did the white hats, though a few heated arguments buzzed up and down the line.

"Get your hands off of him!" Snarled a Buffy to an Angelus/Spike pair who were hovering protectively over a slightly older Xander who looked underfed and sickly. The Xander reached out to the Buffy. "Buffy? But you're dead, you're all dead," The Xander said. He was blocked by the Spike of the pair.

"You don't see 'er pet," Spike said, in a soothing croon. "You don't hear 'er, just calm down, luv." The Xander's expression blanked down to a mask of calm, and the Spike smirked at the irate Buffy.

"So, you're letting Xander...yank your chain?" One Spike was whispering to the Bondage Spike. Who looked away, his gaze resting on one of the "Meek" Xanders, or maybe it was a "Slave." He had a wide eyed, haunted expression on his face, and he seemed overwhelmed by the number of people in the room. Bondage Spike's gaze went a little cold, and his jaws tensed. The older Xander followed the Spike's gaze, expression totally unreadable.

Totally unconcerned, to all appearances. Angel wondered what could have happened to so completely change _either_ Xander. What had been done to so change Spike, and of course, wondering how much of a hand he--or what alternate version of himself--had done to create them.

 _His_ Spike was glaring at him.

"Am I brooding?" Angel asked.

"Or constipated," his Spike growled. "S'hard to tell, usually."

Once all the various groups had been assigned rooms, including the Magnificent (named by the Victorian Xander) Scoobies, Angel went upstairs to his room to...think. Yup. Not brooding at all. Just...thinking. Thinking about alternate universes, and how, like a tree, the branches split, and split into smaller branches off of one big trunk, and how the roots were like branches, only underground. Yup. NOT brooding at all over the kicked-too-many-times-and-probably-by-Angelus Xander who looked about the same age as _his_ Xander during Angel's No-Soul Vacation. NOT wondering about all that bizarre subtext between Angelus/Spike and their Emotional Zombie Xander. Nope, nope, not at all. 

"...So they paint his nails pink? And it works?" His Spike's voice was saying on the other side of the door. At least he was reasonably certain it was his Spike. There were slight differences in the alterna Scoobie scents that made it easy for a vampire to tell the difference between them. Not so easy when the vampire was in his room NOT brooding.

"Well, that, and getting turned into a pink poodle if he keeps it up," a Xander said.

There were three simultaneous snorts of laughter from three Spikes.

"Oi, I'd pay money to see that," Said one.

"How much?" There was the distinct sound of a wallet being pulled from a pant pocket.

Angel was out of the room in a heartbeat, snatching the wallet out of a not particularly stunned Victorian Xander.

"Told you it'd work," smirked  Victorian Spike.

Angel meanwhile looked at the pictures. Um. Fish. Piranhas, to be exact. Angel looked up from the pictures, and into dark brown eyes. "That's Gomer," Victorian Xander said, "The one on the left is Hubert, and the one above them is Goober."

"Our kids," Victorian Spike said helpfully.

"Ummm."

"You look like you've been hit with a shovel," his Spike said.

"I feel like it," Angel said.

Three Spikes and one Xander grinned at him. They wanted him to ask "And who's they," but he'd be damned (again) if he gave them the satisfaction. "So was this just a bet to see how fast I could come out of my room--where I was NOT brooding, by the way--or did you have a reason to interrupt my--"

"Brooding," Victorian Xander said.

"Meditation," Angel said stiffly.

"Wasn't," his Spike disagreed. "You play Enya, or that McKennit chit when you do that."

Angel growled, but of course, this didn't particularly faze Spike.

Any of them. "Anyway, why was it you interrupted me?"

"Y'took the interviews with you when you...went upstairs," the third Spike said, smirking.

Angel looked down at now rumpled papers, still clenched in his fists. "Oh, these."

"Yeah, Peaches, those." His Spike held out his hand. "Give 'em over then."

Somehow, Angel felt reluctant to part with the stack of interviews. "I could look over them myself," he offered, holding them closer and backing toward the door to his room. 

"Nuh-uh Peaches. I'm not about to let you lock yourself in your room and brood about whatever things the other yous might have done to the other thems." His Spike suddenly looked exasperated. "Could someone please tell me why an episode of Sliders never broached the subject of how to talk about multiple alternate universes in English and making sense while doing so?"

VicXander blinked. "He must be the smart one in this universe," he said to his Spike.

"Can't be, if he watched that show," VicSpike replied with a snort.

"I never said I watched it," Angel's Spike replied defensively. "I just know from what the whelp told me about the show." Angel made a sound that sounded like coughing, except that the first sound was "b" and the last one was "t". Then attempted to look innocent when his childe glared at him.

"Hello people! Not getting any younger here!" Cordelia's voice shouted up the stairs. "Bring Angel and the interviews _NOW_!"

VicXander made a sound that sounded like "eep!" and two Spikes (his and the Victorian version) grabbed an elbow each. "Me? Why do I have to go too?!" He asked, trying not to sound panicked at the thought of going down stairs and facing Cord-zilla. Who would probably lecture him about his brooding, (which he hadn't been doing)and being a terrible host. (Which was unfair, because he hadn't invited anyone in the first place.)

"Because Cordelia said so?" VicXander asked. 

"Because if she has to come up here after us, it will be much much worse than if we just went downstairs?" His Spike said.

Angel growled. Again, no one was very impressed.

Instead, he was forcibly escorted down stairs to the lobby by both Spikes, and was only released when he was brought directly to Cordelia, who stood tapping her foot in front of the lobby desk. "It's about _time_ ," Cordelia said with a glare, and plucked the interviews out of Angel's hands. "Don't let go of him yet, he might try to escape," she said, before Angel could protest that he _wasn't_ going to "escape"  (which would have been a lie, technically speaking) and walked over to the lobby's couches where the other "Magnificent Scoobies" were apparently waiting, along with yet another Spike.

The third Spike, who had come up stairs with his Spike and VicSpike and VicXander went over to the young Duster Xander and Angel. (And Angel was beginning to understand his Spike's frustration. Grammar was becoming _VERY_ complicated.) 

"Alright," Cordelia said, "here's how we do this. Four pairs each going over a stack. What you’re looking for is patterns. Dates, ages, groupings, similarities in histories." She began dividing the interviews into sections, and passing them out to the others. "Do I really need to mention that the Spikes who admit to having eye problems should pull out their glasses pretty damn quick? And the ones who won't had better 'fess up?"

The Xanders and the other Angel snickered. The newest Spike very deliberately reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of glasses, and perched them firmly on his face. Duster Xander smirked at JD, who growled. The other Angel poked JD, who after grumbling, pulled out his own. So, after only a little hesitation did _his_ Spike. The Spike that had come with "General" Xander already had his on. Cordelia rolled her eyes at the hesitation. "Come ON, you guys, you're master vampires, who'd be stupid enough to call any of you 'four eyes?' Get _over_ the grade school insults people."

Then she nudged him toward the newest Spike. "Angel, Cricket, Cricket, Angel." She glared at Angel. "Don't give me that look. That's what he asked us to call him, 'in interest of keeping the confusion to a minimum'. He came in with a very sweet, if clueless 'Butch' Xander."  She waved in the general direction of stairs. "Who volunteered along a few other white hats to keep an eye on the black hats, and keep them away from the Meek Xanders." She gave him a multipurpose glower. "Don't you even THINK about brooding over them. What happened to them wasn't YOU'RE fault, so don't go borrowing some other Angel's guilt."

"I'm not brooding. Why does everyone think I'm brooding?" Angel complained.

**Xander**

_7:00 p.m. pre-convention party_

Xander...was brooding.

It took a while for him to admit it to himself, but after several hours of attempting not to be wigged by the sudden appearance of several dozen other Xanders, some of whom were seriously, seriously fucked up, he was now fully willing to give Angel a run for his money in the brooding department.

 _Think of it as a con. Think of it as a con._ repeated over and over like a mantra, just didn't cut it, after having tried to interview some shivering otherself whose only claim to Xanderness as Xander understood it was the same face, and the same name and genetic structure as him. Or after talking to some scary older, or vampself who smirked, sneered, or simply stared at him like they couldn't believe what they were seeing.

He knew it had to be just as scary for Willow and Buffy...but why were so many of him messed up in some way, shape, or form. Was it just because he, being one of the non-super hero guys was more likely to getthe shitty end of the stick? The few other Willows were mostly like his idea of her...his sweet, funny, smart sister. His study buddy, his best friend since forever. Only a few of them had been scary, or blackhats. The other Buffies...had been strange. Some of them had been like the Buffster he knew, but a lot of them seemed a littly nasty, or hostile, to a degree that was incomprehensible. _If_ my _Buffy had been like that, I'd never have bothered talking to her after having met her,*_ he hadn't been able to help thinking after meeting some of them.

On the other hand, a lot of his other selves were cool. Like the "General" guy who'd managed to call everything to order, and the one who was apparently telekinetic, and the crazy, funny Xander in Victorian clothes. Some of the shy "Meek" Xanders were okay too, like the one that had appeared with a cool, 'suave' version, and two Spikes, one demony, one human, all four of whom had come from the _same_ alternate universe. Which had been weird, but interesting in a wigginsy manner.

(And why were all of his otherselves on the "likes boys as well" side of being bi? Not that he objected, mind. He'd just never thought of himself as more than a "bi but not curious enough to find out" type.) 

"Aww, man, _Vampire Princess Miyu_ is _girly,_ " Gunn was protesting to Willow as they went over the Anime section of the video store. "In case you didn't notice, there are _girl type_ people at the con. Hence, the renting of 'girl type movies,'" Willow said in defense of her pick.

"I found _Wizards_ in the _kiddie_ section, guys," Buffy said, entering the aisle.

Gunn snickered. "That's just too damn scary," he said. "Can you just see some parent taking that home to the kids?"

"Huh?" Xander said, coming up out of his daze. Buffy and Willow looked at him, concerned.

"Xan, you alright?" Buffy asked. "You've been kind of...drifty."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just peachy," Xander said, distracted.

"More like...'Peaches,'" Gunn said with an innocently straight face. "You taking over for Angel?"

"Yeah, I've got my cape picked out and everything," Xander said, trying to force himself to sound more cheerful. Willow wasn't buying it. She was giving him the Concern Face. _Powers save me from the Concern Face,_ Xander thought with a trace of his usual humor. "I'm _fine_ ," he insisted. Concern Face became the "we'll talk about this later face," which was worse in it's own way than Concern Face

Buffy and Willow spent the rest of the shopping trip making a special point of asking for Xander's input at each stage of the buying or rental process. Of course, neither Buffster or Wills knew of the full extent of the amazing multi-tasking capabilties of the Xanderbrain. It was entirely possible for Xander to find room in Gunn's truck for the groceries, argue the pros and cons of introducing the alterna-Scoobiesto the joy and terrors of a filk-sing, back up Buffy's stories of Slayage, _and_ brood.

It was about nine in the evening when the shopping party returned to the hotel. Entering by way of the service entrance, they began putting the groceries into the various refrigerators and cupboards. Xander was appointed Guy Who Sets Up the Stereos and the Projector, and he went to work, snickering to himself that Gunn had been by default picked as Guy Who Quickly Runs Out for Ice and Iceboxes Because The Refrigerator Is Making Wacky Noises, because he was the one with the truck.

He had just setting up a stereo and the karaoke machine in the ballroom/convention area, and was thinking about where he wanted to set up the two video rooms and the other three stereos when he realized he was being watched. Turning, he saw one of the Xanders standing shyly in the door way. One of the "Meek" Xanders, with haunted, wary eyes. "Hey," Xander said, "want to help me with this?"

"Sure," the other Xander said, and they worked together in silence.

Once the task was completed, Xander slid a cd out of Willow's portable cd case--her Little Black Music Bag, and popped it into one of the stereos. He selected the song he wanted, and grinned at the other Xander. "Somehow, I thought this song would be appropriate," he said, then cranked the volume, and hit play.

> "Neck deep in a fight in a deli called Stein's
> 
> I noticed him helping some guy as I went
> 
> when there sprang up a half-dozen fast growing vines
> 
> of martial demeanor, and barratrous bent
> 
> They soon showed their mettle; their thorns were like glass
> 
> Too add complications to everyone's day,
> 
> I tripped on a tendril and fell on my ass
> 
> And that was the first I heard Joshua say,
> 
> Oops, oops, extravagant curses,
> 
> adding new verses to a tired old song
> 
> oh well, you can't be too picky,
> 
> magic is tricky, and apt to go wrong."

 

"It's Echo's Children, one of Wills favorite filk duos, cute, huh?"

"Yeah," the other Xander said, smiling slightly. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Three more stereos, and the video rooms," Xander said with a shrug.

As they worked at setting the other stereos up, the other Xander loosened up some, though never to the point of _really_ relaxing. He didn't talk much about himself, only mentioned that in his time, he'd gotten his GED, and was working from his home--or rather, Giles' home, his parents having kicked him out of his house. Xander didn't know the story behind that, but he was pretty sure it had "ANGELUS" written all over it, the way the other guy flinched whenever Xander mentioned Angel. Which made playing any sort of edited catch-up concerning their two timelines (The other Xander was a few years younger, and in his ficton, Graduation hadn't occurred yet.) pretty difficult, because Angel was pretty important to _this_ time line. (Which was not something that Xander was usually willing to admit. Ever.)

After a brief...conference between Willow, Wesley, and Fred (Actually, it had sounded like a screaming match) it had been decided that a certain amount of information trading was permissible. Wesley had argued that attempting to change time would create a paradox, Willow's argument was that there _couldn't_ be a paradox, because the alternate histories were so different, that it wouldn't make a difference in what anyone knew, or attempted to change. _Fred's_ theory was the paradox had already occurred, so that any change made didn't matter in any appreciable way, because they changed the reality simply by being present.

Eventually, the two women had managed to gang up on Wesley, using scientific terminology that gave Xander a headache just thinking aboutthem.

Since talking about Angel made the other Xander so jumpy, he concentrated lighter subjects, mundane subjects, like his job, his new car, movies, and music. The other Xander seemed amazed that his other self was working in construction--and more amazed that Cordelia had broken up with him. It seemed that in the other Xander's time line, a certain incident involving a love sick, drunken vampire, a kidnapping and a piece of rebar hadn't occurred yet, and wasn't very likely too.

The other Xander was pretty much housebound, too crippled by whatever Angelus had done to him to really be able to interact except in a very limited way.  After wrestling over the matter, Xander filled the other Xander in on the incident, since he was pretty sure that neither the other Xander nor the other Cordelia would be able to deal with the entire Anyanka thing.

They had just finished setting up the second video room, and were heading back down stairs to get a bite to eat before starting another project when they ran smack into an argument.

**Spike**

_12:00 a.m. pre-con/first day of the con_

> "'Cause I've been there, done that, learned what I should know,
> 
> Got the footprints on my t-shirt, got the bruises I can show.
> 
> Yes I've been there, done that, learned to recognize
> 
> When it's time to call for back up, by the frenzy in their eyes..." 

Floated through the lobby from the ballroom. Spike smothered a grin as he shuffled through the papers. Now, if there was ever a song that reminded him of the boy, it was probably that one. _His_ Xander, and accept no substitutes. Spike had been alternately amused and annoyed by Xander since he'd ended up an unwilling "guest" in Xander's basement "apartment" two years ago. How could you not be amused by a "white knight" capable of standing up to Angelus at his nastiest, or annoyed by a boy who'd probably mouth off to the Devil himself?

Even though he'd gone to LA to be with his Sire ("Gonna be Robin to Deadboy's Batman, Fangless?") after the _Poof's_ slutty, bitchy and very pregnant (?!) Sire had shown up, thoughts of the boy had been on his mind a lot lately. ("I've always seen myself as more of an Azrael type, myself, pet.")To the point of actually wanting to go do something about it--but, aside from a snarky remark from the whelp about being moist and delicious, back in the bad old days of the Basement of Doom, he'd never gotten any feeling of attraction from Xander. ("You're comparing yourself to a crazy hybrid monk-assassin? The _crazy_ part I can see though.")

When the Slayer and the rest had first come to LA after the entire "Darla Situation" blew over, Spike had noticed that, wonder of wonders, _Xander_ seemed a little hot and bothered whenever Spike was in the same room with him. Spike had intended to find a little time and pursue the apparent interest...then Angel's little rabbit girl had done her little experiment, and suddenly the vampire was hip deep in Xanders, most of whom were already in relationships.

"All right," The cheerleader was saying as the teams of interview readers began turning in the comparison work-sheets. "I'll take these up to the think tank..." Cordelia was cut off by a furious voice, shouting Leave me the fuck alone! Why can't you LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

Xander's voice.

Spike was on his feet, and charging upstairs before he quite knew what he was about, the others close behind. Upstairs, he found the Spike/Angelus/Xander trio locked in an argument, with his own Xander looking like he was about to charge in, bare fisted, and a Meek Xander, who looked like he was about to bolt. "Xander, luv, please calm down..." The other Spike was saying, and seemed surprised when the third, older  Xander began laughing hysterically. 

"I can't Heeeeeeeaaar Yooou...aren't earplugs a lovely invention, you fucking bastard?" The Angelus half reached out toward the Xander, but backed off when the Xander brandished a cross in the vampire's face. "Don't _touch me,_ " the Xander snarled. This Xander was a bit older than his, with a drawn, haggard face currently twisted in rage and fear. Spike felt a slow, boiling fury build in the pit of his stomach. He didn't quite understand the details of this little vignette, but he'd get to the bottom of it, in short order.

"You heard the man, mates, why _don't_ you leave him alone," Spike drawled as the others formed up behind him.

"This isn't any of your concern," The Angelus said with a glare.

"Oh, I think it is," Spike growled. From behind him, he could hear Vic Xander and VicSpike coming up behind him.

 _"Definitely,"_ Snarled VicSpike.

The Xander holding off Angelus meanwhile, was backing off in the direction of Spike's Xander. "I'm going to find Buffy, and you're not going to stop me this time," the Xander snarled.

"No, pet, she'll kill you!" The other Spike said, with real fear in his voice.

"Good, I'd rather be dead than your fucktoy," The other Xander spat, reading the vampire's lips. The Meek Xander next to Spike's Xander twitched a bit at those words. A low growl rose from from Spike's chest. The growl was echoed by  VicSpike, and oddly enough, by VicXander.

The Angelus suddenly lunged, trying to knock away the cross, but ran into Spike's Xander, who knocked the vamp off-balance and slammed a screwdriver into the vamp's kidneys. Angelus howled, and struck out at his attacker, then flinched back when the older Xander shoved the cross into Angelus' face.

At the same time, the blackhat Spike was tackled by VicSpike and VicXander.  Spike meanwhile tackled and pinned Angelus, and was rather suprised when the Meek Xander that had come with Spike's Xander helped him tie Angelus up with an extension cord. Meanwhile, Spike's Xander gently pulled the obviously distraught older  Xander off to one side. "G-gag them, please. Th-there's a spell ah-on me...I have to do what th-they tell me," the Xander gasped, and half-collapsed. Spike's Xander caught the other man, and held him as the older Xander's shoulders shook with racking sobs.

"I don't think I can lift the spell," Willow said to Spike's Angel, after examining the Xander. All three had been taken down to the lobby after the others had "questioned" the Spike and Angelus as to the nature of the spell. The two vampires were bound and gagged and sitting on opposite ends of the couch, being watched by two furious Spikes and an Angel. "Even if I had help from the other Willows, the Gileses and the Wesleys."

"Why not?"

"It's not just focussed on _Xander_ it's focused on every human from that Xander's universe. Umm...the side effects of that sort of spell, if it was broken...wouldn't be pretty," Willow said.

"I think I'm willing to be the cause of a few vampiric massacres when the humans are released from the spell," Angel said hotly.

 

"Umm, actually, the people would end up being catatonic, or very, very schizophrenic--not that they wouldn't be already, after spending five years unable to control their own actions." She looked thoughtful. "I have some ideas, but I'd like to work on it some more..."

"So what do we do in the mean time?" Angel asked testily.

Willow smiled evilly. "I can't break the spell, but I can alter a small part of it..."

**Angel**

_10:00 a.m. the first day of the con_

Angel had been able to retreat upstairs to his room, where he fell into a restless half-doze around five in the morning. Most of the other Scoobies, and their alternate selves either had never gone to bed, or had only crashed out for a few hours before going back to the party that had begun a half hour or so after the fight in the hallway.

When Angel came down stairs around ten or so, there were knots of Scoobies wandering about the hotel, watching movies in the video room or down in the lobby, talking, laughing at each other's jokes. Music being sung live in the ballroom filtered through the hotel, slightly off key, and accompanied by guitars, clapping, and what sounded like a doumbek. 

Angel watched his Spike talk to Xander, the older Xander who had been "with" the Angelus/Spike duo, and the younger Xander, who was trying very hard not to flinch every time Spike looked in his direction. Angel could see how much this disturbed Spike, but wasn't willing to cause a more severe reaction by going over there and telling Spike to find somewhere else to be. Angel could also see by the slight tensing of Spike's shoulders that the vampire was restraining himself from turning and telling _Angel_ to find somewhere else to be, because _that_ would probably _also_ cause the younger Xander to have a more severe reaction.

"Alexa _Willspet,_?" An oddly familiar, feminine voice was asking on the other end of the room. Grateful for the distraction Angel turned to look in the direction the voice was coming from. A small, delicate platinum blonde female vamp was speaking to a beautiful, full figured brunette human with huge, dark eyes. Very familiar dark eyes. Angel's mind froze to a complete stop as he realized he was looking at a female Spike and a female Xander.

"I like my name," Xander--no, _Alexa_ was saying to the female Spike in a soft, yet firm voice. "So does William, and that's all I really care about."

The female Spike snorted as she gave the female Xander's muscular curves an appreciative once over. "Stand by yer man, eh?"

"Wow, me as a girl--I look good, huh?"

Angel pretended that he hadn't been startled. Duster Xander was grinning at him. "Your Wesley told me to come get you--they've found something about the spell that girl used," the young man said, and started up the stairs. After one more glance at his Spike, and the two Xanders, he followed.

"Five hundred and ninety-eight, five hundred and ninety-nine," Angel

overheard as he passed the room of the Angelus/Spike duo on the way to the library.

Angel decided that he never, ever, _ever_ wanted to do anything that might _really_ irritate Willow. The young witch had quite the mean streak when she was pissed. She had somehow altered the spell on the Xander so that the Angelus/Spike duo would be forced to obey _him_ instead of the reverse.

The Xander had then told the pair of them to return to their assigned room, and do push ups, counting them out loud, and starting over from one if they stumbled or faltered. It wasn't the sort of months-of-stalking-and-killing-off-housepets that Angelus would have gone for, but it did the job.

Every once in a while, a Xander, Spike, or Willow would stroll by the room and call out a random number, which would automatically cause the vampires to lose count, and have to start over from the beginning. "One hundred twenty-six," Duster Xander said as he passed the door.

"One hundred twenty--GAH!" The Angelus and Spike collapsed to the floor, swearing sulfurously, before beginning to count again. The pair looked miserable and exhausted. Angel couldn't bring himself to care.

The "think tank" in the library consisted of the Willow, Fred, Giles and Wesley of Angel's own time line, and a Xander. The Xander was seated next to Wesley, and apparently helping him translate, books piled around them. Willow was working on the computer, while Giles worked with Fred, going over the spell step by step. 

Wesley looked up as Angel entered the room. "Hello Angel," Wesley said,

and nodded toward an empty seat across from him. "We've made something of a break through, thanks to Xander's help here," He said, and nodded toward the Xander.

Angel sat down. "Break through?"

The Xander looked up, and grinned, almost shyly. "Yeah, found the original text of the spell, and we're basically trying to re-translate it," he said, turning the book he was reading around and pushing it toward Angel. The script was made up of graceful, flowing, nearly arabic characters--and it might as well have been upside down, because Angel didn't recognize it. "It's in Djinni," Xander said helpfully, "or the characters are, anyway. The Gebur never really developed their own alphabet--most Gebur texts that you'll find will be in either Djinni, Sumerian, or Hebrew."

"Oh," Angel said, blinking. Trying to wrap his mind around the concept of Xander-the-Scholar. It wasn't nearly as strange as a _female_ Xander -- Angel knew from prior experience that for all Xander's protests to the contrary, that he _wasn't_ just a slacker--but it came close. "What can you tell me about the original intent of the spell?" Angel asked.

"It's not for opening viewing portals, as the Latin mistranslation stated, that's for certain," Wesley said.

Xander snorted. "Gebur wouldn't need viewing portals anyway--they're clairsentient across parallel time lines." At Angel's slightly befuddled expression, Xander grinned and explained further. "It's not really precognition, because they're only seeing the present...the Gebur are present in several timelines at once." Xander tapped the book. "They can't _communicate_ with their otherselves, though, and for creatures as clannish...and as telepathic...as the Gebur, it gets very frustrating when you can't give yourself a good talking to when you screw up."

 

"It's like a big family reunion spell," Willow said, turning around in her chair.

"In essence, yes," Wesley said with a small grin. "Though it's rather a bit more involved than that."

"Obviously, you've never attended one of _my_ family reunions," the Xander said with a joking air, then turned serious. "The original spell had a variable duration--it could be set for any amount of time the caster wished, usually open ended, like 'three days after a consensus has been reached' or 'a day and a night, and another day'. When the spell reached it's end, the participants would be sent back to their own time lines. With Fred's spell though, we're still trying to figure out how she got her results."

"How much longer will it take?" Angel asked.

"Not much longer, actually," the ex-Watcher replied, then looked thoughtful. "For finding out how Fred's version of this spell actually compares to the original, that is."

"Then there are certain ethical concerns that need to be considered," the Xander said, in a strange, nearly Gilesian tone. "If we find a way to return the alterna Scoobies...should we return them to *precisely* the alternate ficton they came from?" 

**Angel**

_11:00 a.m. Willow is a SMOF_

Angel stared at the booklet with same horrified fascination of someone reading some forbidden tome from a H.P. Lovecraft story. The cover of the booklet had a rough sketch of the Hyperion, with a crescent moon in one corner, and a couple of tiny bats book-ending the words _Hypericon One_ in gothic letters. The interior contained times and descriptions of various events. _"Panel discussions?"_ Angel asked plaintively.

Willow nodded, grinning. "Yeah, it just took a few minutes to come up with the topics and the names for them," she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "They'll be fun, and will keep the others occupied, which is of the good, right?"

"'The Poof Panel; Embarrassing stories about our favorite broody ponce,'" Angel read aloud. "Spikes talk about Angel."

Willow blushed. "The Victorian Xander and Spike helped me come up with names for the panels," she said, still bouncing. "And, you get to have a panel where you talk about Spike--" She pointed to the discussion scheduled four hours later. This one was titled "William the Bloody Annoying; snicker as Spike's misadventures are creatively retold by various Angels." She bounced some more.

"You don't have to be in any of them, I just thought it would be fun to have them, so that it would be more con-like, you know? Can't have a con without panel discussions, this will be so much fun, I've never been on a Con-committee before--" she said enthusiastically. "Another one of the panels is about vampires in movies and books, and one is about authors who write vampire novels," she continued. "And tomorrow  we're going to have a Vampire the Masquerade LARP--"

"Which is?" 

"Live action role-playing, don't worry, it's real easy, and lots of fun, one of the Xanders agreed to be the Storyteller--and oh, don't forget that tonight there's going to be a filk sing--that's always fun, we have a filk suite set up and everything...!"

"Filk," Angel said blankly.

"Songs about science fiction or fantasy related topics," Willow explained. "Usually set to old folk ballads, original music, or even rock."

"Oh." _I'm in hell. I'm at a science fiction convention in hell._

**Xander**

_2:00 p.m., first day of the con_

It was seriously strange to be having a friendly conversation with two other versions of you, Xander decided after a little while. And a little scary. The older Xander from the "demons take over" universe had a hard, brittle edge to him, the Xander who was a few years younger was just as brittle, but not hard at all. Both were kind of nervous of Spike, which oddly enough, seemed to be hurting Spike's feelings. Or at least, that's what he thought those odd little frowns the vampire kept throwing him meant. The other two Xanders seemed to be bonding in a odd, "I survived" sort of way, so after a couple of hours of hanging, Xander got up, and tried to give Spike a sort of "let's go" look.

He had absolutely no hopes of being obeyed, and not even for the usual "Spikey" reasons. The vampire had been mildly wiggy over these two since the fight upstairs last night, and had been hovering over them off and on all of last night, and most of the day so far. Him and Angel both, though Spike was more obvious about it. 

Spike cocked his scarred brow, looking more amused than anything else, and unfolded from the couch. Xander felt a little--pleasant?--surprise at that, but just shook it off. "C'mon, Fangless--there's going to be a reading of 'Eye of Argon.'" The brow rose higher, if that was possible. "That's the song no one's s'pposed to sing more than once a con, isn't it?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "That's 'Banned from _Argo_.' This is an entirely different tradition--the reading aloud of one of the worst stories ever written, without laughing until root beer comes out your nose." He turned to the other two Xanders. "You guys gonna be okay?"

The older of the pair grinned. "Yeah, we're fine...you go ahead, we might go up to one of the video rooms later, so don't worry."

Xander contrived to look innocent. "Who me? Worry?"

**Xander**

_2:30 p.m., The Eye of Argon*_

Technically, readings of "The Eye of Argon" took place late at night, when everyone was so sleep groggy that just about anything could make a person burst into silly giggles. However, as the vampire contingent pointed out, it _was_ late at night, for them anyway. The readers were a mixed bag of Scoobies, Xander's Buffy and Cordelia, a couple Willows, the foursome of mixed doubles, Cricket, a Xander wearing what looked like _Spike's_ duster, (as opposed to the other Xander wearing a duster, who was upstairs somewhere.) and the Bondage Spike, who kept glancing at the door, as if he expected to be called away any second.

Xander was privately hoping that the the older version of himself who was this Spike's...owner... _didn't_ show up, because he wasn't entirely sure that _his_ Buffy would be able to restrain herself from beating the older Xander to a pulp. She'd already lit into the colder, darker version of himself last night during dinner. They'd all been sitting at various tables in the dining room, except for Bondage Spike, and Angel who'd been _kneeling_ on the floor. The "conversation" between herself and the Jerk degenerated rapidly after he told Buffy that she had no right to criticize how he treated his "property." And then gone into detail about how much better he treated "his slaves" than most vampires were treated in his alternate universe. Then he'd gone into detail about how _other_ vamps were treated.

The "conversation" had ended with the Jerk Xander getting a broken nose, much to the complete lack of sympathy of anyone present, except for the Bondage Spike, who had been waved away by the Jerk Xander. Apparently since then, the Spike had been given the day off, because now he was wearing faded blue jeans, and a size-too-small Sith Academy t-shirt, and Jerk Xander was nowhere in sight.

The only way you could really tell him apart from the other Spikes in the room, aside from the tendency to jump up alertly every time his name was spoken, were the nipple rings visible against the fabric of the shirt. Xander had no idea at all of where "Bondage Angel" might have gone. The last he'd seen of the vampire, he'd been talking to a shaggy and haggard looking Wesley, and a weirdly smirking "Angel" whom Xander strongly suspected was actually an Angel _us._.

"'...Grignr's emerald green orbs glared lustfully at the wallowing soldier struggling before his chestnut swirled mount--'" Cordelia abruptly stopped and handed the print out to Buffy as if it were a bucket of rotten anchovies. "Your turn," she said sweetly.

"Ummm, pass?" Buffy asked hopefully. She turned heartbreakingly sad eyes to Xander. "You wouldn't make me read this, would you?"

"C'mon Slayer, what happened to that Chosen One fortitude, eh? Surely you can vanquish one sodding dreadful story," Xander's Spike said with a smirk.

"It was slain by 'grignr,'" Buffy muttered, but began to read, "'His scowling voice reverberated over the dying form in a tone of mocking mirth. 'You city bred dogs should learn not to antagonize your better.' Reining his weary mount ahead, grignr resumed his journey to the Noregolian city of Gorzam, hoping to discover wine, women, and adventure to boil the wild blood coarsing through his savage veins,'" Buffy snorked and slapped the person nearest her with the print out of the story. "Y-your t-turn, S-spike," She gasped between giggles.

The Spike in question--the human Spike that had been in the "split personality" foursome, took the printout from the Slayer and scanned a few lines."Bloody hell," the Spike muttered, then read aloud, "'The trek to Gorzom was forced upon Grignr when the soldiers of Crin were leashed upon him by a faithless concubine he had wooed--'" the Spike snorted, then continued. "'His scandalous activities through out the Simarian city had unleashed throngs of havoc and uproar among it's refined patricians...'" The Spike snerked and leaned against his Xander. "Pet, don't make me read this--'" The human Spike whined.

 

The Xander snickered. "Oh, come on, this isn't even one of the worst parts yet," he teased. The human Spike just looked up at the Xander with big, pitiful eyes.

The Xander sighed, and took the story from the human Spike."'--leading them to tack a heavy reward over his head. He had barely managed to escape through the back entrance of the inn he had been guzzling in, as a squad of soldiers tounced upon him...'" the Xander read.

**Xander**

_4:00 p.m. Xanderplicity_

Things couldn't get much weirder. He and Spike, along with Dawn, had been drafted by Anya and Cordelia to help prepare food for the buffet at five o' clock. By itself, the entire Anya and Cordelia thing was weird enough. Former vengeance demon and former vengeance client seemed to be really hitting it off. Xander wasn't sure if he should be relieved, or frightened. _"Vengeance client," it sounds like it should be in a commercial..."I'm not only the vengeance club for women president, I'm also a client."_

Spike's job was to brown the hamburger meat for the tacos, and apparently, argue with Anya over whether or not to provide a blood-spiked punch bowl for the vampires at the con. Xander's job was to make chicken salad, and make sure Spike didn't set the kitchen on fire, while Dawn and Cordelia made the veggie trays and the dip.

"This is kind of fun," Dawn said, as she dipped a broccoli floret into the dip Cordelia had just made, and popped it into her mouth. "I mean, in a weird, kind of scary way, but fun."

"Why scary, Dawn?" Cordelia asked.

"Someone say somethin' to you, nibblet?" Spike asked, turning around from the simmering hamburger to look at her.

"Ummm. No," Dawn said, looking down at the radishes she was beheading.

"It's just that I'm the only me here," she said in a tiny voice. "Cricket and some of the other Xanders and Spikes say I * _am_ * in the other universes...but none of the other mes are here. And in some universes, I'm not there at all."

Cordelia paused in her stirring of the dip. "Hey, that's right. Just about all of us are represented among the alterna-Scoobs, except for Dawn, I wonder why that is?" 

"She's not in a relationship with Angel." Everyone stared at Anya, who was looking baffled at the density of her friends. "What? All of the groupings out there has Angel as a participant, a sort of parental figure, or as a nemesis. Angel and Spike, Spike and Xander, Xander and Angel, Xander and some other pairing. Spike is sometimes a nemesis, but rarely a parent, even when he's a Sire. Xander is sometimes a nemesis, and is usually a participant. I'm usually a nemesis, which I guess I'm okay with, since I _was_ a vengeance demon, but I'm also occasionally a participant, Buffy is usually a nemesis, which I don't really understand. Willow is also a participant, and with the Cordelias, it's evenly distributed that she's paired off with either a Angel or a Xander." Anya frowned thoughtfully. "Though there is one pairing where she's with Spike, and one where it looked like she was with a Willow and Buffy." The ex-demon shrugged. "It's simple really. I'm surprised no on else saw it."

"So, it's all about Peaches?" Spike snorted. "The Poof is just going to love hearing that."

"Wait a minute," Cordelia said. "There's a me that's with Buffy and Willow?"

Anya nodded, then frowned. "Though, I also think that the Cordelia is also with Xander, the Buffy with Angelus, and the Willow with Spike."

"Ewww!" Cordelia said, making a face. Then she looked at Dawn, as if suddenly remembering who Dawn was "related" to. And who Xander was best friends with. "Um, not that Buffy isn't a perfectly nice person, just ...ewww!"

"That's okay," Dawn said, grinning. "I won't tell her."

"Tell me what?" Buffy asked, poking her head into the room.

"That Cordelia made a minor social faux pas," Anya said cheerfully.

"Cordelia?" Buffy said, in not quite mock surprise. "What was the faux pas?" The ex-demon frowned. "That's a trick question isn't it?" She turned to Xander. "It's a social faux pas to relate a faux pas to the subject of the faux pas, isn't Xander?"

"Umm, that would be a big _yes_ Anya. Though technically asking about it in the presence of the person who was the subject of the faux pas is also a faux pas."

"Oh." Anya looked crushed. "Sorry Buffy."

Buffy looked confused, but game. "Sure, no problem. Um...Xan? You know those two Xanders you were hanging around with earlier? They've kind of...disappeared, along with the Xander in the Think Tank upstairs...The Scholar Guy?"

"Is Wanker-Angelus still in that room upstairs?" Spike demanded, yellow eyed with agitation. He should have looked ridiculous all game-faced and wielding a spatula, but he didn't. He looked scary, and very, very angry.

Buffy looked surprised at Spike's forceful tone and obvious agitation, but said only "Yeah, and so's your evil twin Skippy." Spike snarled. "Any others missing?"

Buffy shook her head. "Just them."

"Did anyone see where they went to?" Cordelia asked.

"One of the Buffies mentioned seeing them at the 'A Brief History of Slime' panel, other than that, no one knows."

"A brief history of slime?" Cordelia asked to no one in particular. "Ewww."

"That was the panel about stain removal techniques, for various demon ichors," Anya explained.

Spike meanwhile, growled wordlessly, dropped the spatula onto the counter and started to head for the door. Buffy blocked him before he could bull his way past her. "Hey!" Buffy said, grabbing the vampire by the arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

Spike's eyes flashed yellow. "What's it look like, Slayer, I'm going to go find them!"

"Did you forget that at least two of them are terrified of you?"

Spike growled again, and looked like he was about to say something, but Xander interrupted. "I'll go with," Xander said, and set down the spoon.

The vampire glanced his way. "Right then, come on," he said, and stalked out of the kitc

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another incomplete early fic, part of my project to get older fic up on AO3.
> 
> Don’t bother asking which fics I’m referencing, I don’t remember, and I didn’t think of writing them down.
> 
> NOTES: A "ficton" is a term for a specific time a Time Traveller goes  
> to or comes from. "Alterna" is what I decided to call a specific alternate  
> universe a alternate-timeline jumper goes to or comes from
> 
> NOTES 2: References to the Ralph Bakshi movie "Wizards" the songs are from the Echo's Children CD, "Under the Gripping Beast."


End file.
